We all know these images: a steaming cup of lemon water, soft background music, someone meditating on a linen cushion, then yoga and exercise, journaling, cold showers, supplements – all before sitting at a desk before 7 a.m. Everything looks calm, controlled, perfectly structured – a “perfect” morning routine.
And then you ask yourself:
Why can’t I manage that?
Why am I stressed before the day has even really begun?
Why does nothing look as aesthetic, focused or clear for me?
Don’t get us wrong. None of the points mentioned above are wrong; all of them can have their value. But the questions should always be: What supports me? At what time? And in which situation? That’s where the journey to genuine self-care begins.
Between ideal and reality
Social media often shows a highly idealised version of self-care – the perfect morning routine becomes a symbol of an optimised life. Instead of relieving pressure, it often creates subtle stress: “I should…”, “I ought to…”, “Everyone else…”
Studies show that comparing ourselves with idealised portrayals on social media can significantly increase our experience of stress. For people who are already overwhelmed, it fosters a feeling of inadequacy – even though self-care is actually meant to have the opposite effect.
What self-care is not
an aesthetic ritual for social media
an item on your to-do list
a competition in “being mindful”
a wellness product
When self-care becomes a compulsory programme, it can even create additional stress – as paradoxical as that sounds. The pressure to “relax” or be mindful often leads to frustration rather than recovery.
What self-care truly means
Self-care is not a trend but an individual, holistic process. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines it as the ability to care for your physical, mental and social health – through everyday, self-directed actions.
This means:
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noticing your needs (physical, emotional, mental)
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calming your nervous system rather than overstimulating it
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accompanying yourself with compassion instead of criticism
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allowing inner safety and regeneration
The physical side: your nervous system as a compass
Effective self-care begins in the body – more precisely, in your autonomic nervous system. The central player here is the vagus nerve. It affects heart rate, digestion, breathing, emotional regulation and your ability to relax.
According to research, what can help:
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deep, conscious breathing (e.g. the 4-7-8 method)
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gentle touch – e.g. through acupressure
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time in nature
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social connection (oxytocin release)
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mindful rituals without performance pressure
Even 10–15 minutes of conscious rest a day can noticeably reduce stress levels – long-term just as effective as structured relaxation programmes.
The psychological side: mindfulness and self-compassion
Many people think of self-care in terms of outward rituals – but the inner dialogue is crucial. Genuine care starts with recognising your thoughts and patterns:
“I have to function.”
“I mustn’t be weak.”
“I’m only good enough if I …”
Self-compassion helps question these inner drivers and meet yourself with more warmth and acceptance. Studies show: people with greater self-compassion experience less stress, less anxiety – and more emotional stability.
In reality, self-care can very concretely mean …
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saying no (even when it’s hard)
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lying on the sofa without guilt
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cutting a walk short because you’re tired
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setting the alarm later
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not having to explain yourself
It’s not about having everything under control.
It’s about not abandoning yourself.
Not perfect – but real.
Conclusion
Self-care is not a trend; it is an attitude.
It doesn’t begin at 5 a.m., but in the moment you are honest with yourself.
It doesn’t need to look pretty to be effective.
You are allowed to simply be you.
And to reconnect with what truly supports you.
Sources
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Hess, R. et al. (2021): The paradox of wellness: How self-care culture can increase psychological pressure. Journal of Mental Health, 30(4), 456-462.
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APA (2022): Social Media and Mental Health. American Psychological Association.
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WHO (2022): Self-care interventions for health. World Health Organization Guidelines.
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Porges, SW (2011): The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton.
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Neff, KD & Germer, CK (2013): The Mindful Self-Compassion Program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.
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Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003): Mindfulness-based interventions in context. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156.
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Ulrich, RS et al. (1991): Stress recovery during exposure to natural and urban environments. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 11(3), 201-230.