Sometimes the hardest moment of the day is not the to-do list, but the moment we realise:
I’m exhausted – and I’m not even entirely sure why.
We function, respond, organise, complete tasks. And even when everything appears to be running smoothly on the outside, it can sometimes feel internally as though we have drifted a small step away from ourselves. The mind is loud. The body is sending signals. Somewhere in between, we lose touch with what we actually need.
This article explores exactly that question:
How can we reconnect with ourselves – without becoming harsh, but also without falling into self-pity?
We will look at why we often lose contact with ourselves, what self-compassion really means, and how we can enter into a helpful dialogue with ourselves. At the end, we will share a practical exercise and explain how acupressure can support you in reconnecting with yourself.
Why We Lose Contact With Ourselves
1) Stress is not just “too much to do”, but “no space left”
Stress does not arise only from tasks, but from constant tension: too few breaks, too many stimuli, too many demands at once. In a world that rewards productivity, efficiency and performance, “pushing through” quickly becomes the default strategy.
The problem is that what helps in the short term can weaken our connection to ourselves in the long term. When we are constantly functioning, we are less likely to ask the simple question: How am I actually feeling right now?
2) The mind takes over – the body becomes background noise
When life becomes busy, the mind takes control. It plans, optimises, evaluates and prioritises. In itself, that is not a bad thing. It becomes more difficult when the body fades into the background.
Typical signals are then ignored:
- Fatigue (another coffee, keep going)
- Tension (clench your teeth and carry on)
- Restlessness (scroll, distract yourself – it will pass)
- Emotions (function instead of feeling)
Over time this becomes a habit – not because we are doing something wrong, but because we have learned that this is how things work, and many people around us behave in the same way.
3) And often something else appears as well: the way we speak to ourselves internally
During stressful periods, our inner tone often becomes harsher. It frequently sounds like an internal taskmaster:
“Pull yourself together.”
“Other people manage this as well.”
“Stop being so sensitive.”
“You just need to be more disciplined.”
This inner voice is often an attempt to maintain control. But it comes at a cost: it does not make difficult situations easier – it makes them even heavier.
And this is exactly where self-compassion begins.
What Self-Compassion Means – and What It Does Not
1) Self-compassion means standing clearly and kindly on your own side
Self-compassion is the ability to respond to ourselves in difficult moments in a way that supports rather than harms. Research commonly describes self-compassion through three elements: mindfulness, self-kindness, and the understanding that difficulty is part of the shared human experience (“common humanity”).
The important point is this: self-compassion is not an excuse. It is a mindset that stabilises us so that we can care for ourselves in a healthy way.
2) The difference between self-compassion and self-pity
Self-pity often feels like a downward pull. It makes us feel small, isolated and hopeless. It circles around the question “Why me?” and narrows our perspective.
Self-compassion is different. It acknowledges that something is difficult – and then looks for a supportive next step.
In simple terms:
Self-pity:
“Everything happens for a reason. I’m simply not made for this and I’m not good enough.”
Self-compassion:
“This is difficult right now, and that’s okay. I’m not alone in feeling this way, and it does not make me less worthy. What might help me in this moment?”
3) Why self-compassion makes such a difference – even when everything is not possible
An important point: having self-compassion does not mean that you can always respond perfectly to your needs.
Perhaps you would benefit from a break – but you may have a dog to walk, an appointment to attend, responsibilities to manage, or a job that cannot wait. Sometimes our room for action is limited.
The difference then does not lie in finding the perfect solution, but in the way we accompany ourselves internally.
You can be in a demanding situation without also attacking yourself internally.
And that alone can ease mental and physical strain.
4) Examples of a helpful inner dialogue (instead of inner pressure)
Here are some practical examples of how self-compassion can sound in everyday life.
When you feel exhausted
Harsh:
“You’ve hardly achieved anything again today.”
Helpful:
“I’m tired. My body needs less pressure and more support right now. I’ll make myself a cup of tea, take a deep breath and consider how and when I might take a break.”
When you cannot finish everything
Harsh:
“You can’t even manage to complete your to-do list today.”
Helpful:
“Today has been full, and I feel emotionally unsettled. I have done what was possible. I will look realistically at what truly needs to be finished today.”
When you feel overwhelmed
Harsh:
“Stop being so dramatic.”
Helpful:
“This is too much at once right now. What could help me feel a little more stable in this moment?”
When you need a break but cannot take one
Harsh:
“Other people work straight through. If you want to succeed, you don’t have time for breaks.”
Helpful:
“I can’t step away completely right now – but I can remain kind towards myself. Perhaps I can allow myself three minutes of quiet.”
Self-compassion is therefore not soft or indulgent. It is practical: it helps you remain connected to yourself, even in the middle of everyday life.
How Acupressure Can Help You Hear Your Inner Voice Again
1) Why this can work
When we remain only in our heads, our inner voice can be difficult to hear. Many people rediscover access to themselves only when the body becomes part of the process again.
Acupressure can support this by directing attention inward: away from constant thinking and towards physical awareness. Some studies suggest that acupressure may reduce stress and improve well-being, and systematic reviews have shown potential effects on anxiety symptoms in certain contexts.
It is important to note that acupressure is not a replacement for medical or psychological treatment. However, for many people it can become a simple ritual that allows a calm internal check-in to happen in the first place.
There is also early research on acupressure mats, including studies examining subjective stress levels with regular use.
2) The exercise: The Three-Question Pause (ideal with acupressure)
This exercise is intentionally simple. It is not meant to produce the “perfect” answer, but to help you hear your inner voice again.
How it works (5–10 minutes):
Lie down on your acupressure mat.
Take a few slow breaths in and out.
Then ask yourself three questions, one after the other. Allow a moment after each question without forcing an answer.
Question 1
How does my body feel right now?
(Tension, warmth, calm, pressure, fatigue, cold, fear, joy, restlessness – simply observe.)
Question 2
What feels difficult today, and what might have felt easier today?
(No drama, no justification. Just honesty.)
Question 3
What would feel supportive right now as the next small step?
(Not a grand plan. A realistic small step: water, fresh air, ten minutes of rest, sending a message to someone, going to bed early, setting a boundary.)
Optional closing (30 seconds)
Place one hand on your stomach or chest and say a sentence internally that feels kind and true, for example:
“There is a lot going on right now. I am here. One step at a time. Whatever happens, I will manage.”
Conclusion: Self-Compassion Is a Way of Reconnecting
Self-compassion is not a grand concept that we must learn to “master”. It is a daily act of reconnecting with ourselves.
It begins with a shift:
from pushing ourselves
to supporting ourselves.
And sometimes the most important question of the day is not:
What else can I accomplish?
but rather:
What does my body need today – so that I can feel at home within myself again?
Sources
Kristin Neff – Definition and components of self-compassion (mindfulness, self-kindness, common humanity)
Neff et al. (2022) – Overview of the role of self-compassion in psychotherapy
Abbott et al. (2023) – Self-Acupressure for Stress (SAS) Trial (stress and health-related quality of life)
Au et al. (2015) – Systematic review and meta-analysis on acupressure and anxiety
Chen et al. (2022) – Systematic review and meta-analysis on acupressure and anxiety
Kisker et al. (2024) – Study on acupressure mats and subjective stress/well-being